on Becoming

Forget the excerpts you have been seeing on line, the 14 chapter memoir has deeper revelations and I will summarize it in these 21 simple points below:

1. Why the Book was published…

Toke Makinwa for the first time (and probably last time) gave all the details on her marriage scandal that happened last year. Unlike entertainer Tiwa Savage who addressed her own marital scandal by granting an exclusive interview with Journalist Azuka and selling it to Pulse TV, Toke Makinwa decided to address hers in a book.

According to Toke, she was inspired to write the book after a friend gave her an instruction from the Holy spirit.

Toke Makinwa however forgot to add that these other aims:

To make money (well obviously) and majorly “report” her estranged hubby, Maje Ayida and his other women to the world.

Maje’s name came up close to 378 times in the 112 page book, the book was centered on HIM and not necessarily on Toke’s victory/success story, or something.

2. Toke Makinwa had a solid Christian foundation…

3. This thing called ‘Malice’ can destroy!

The part where Toke recounted watching her parents go up in flames was really traumatic. Every reader will definitely feel her pain at that point and it’s even more painful when you discover that it was simply the failure to pass an info (due to malice keeping), that caused the tragic incident.

4. Her Parents’ death affected her faith in God…

She was born into a Christian home but the death of her Parents took its toll on her; she didn’t heal from it on time.

5. Living a wild life…

Peradventure you always wonder why Toke Makinwa attends all the social functions, parties and events, the reason is simple! It’s been part of her since her days of youthful exuberance!

6. Maje is not Toke Makinwa’s first love…

Toke was a teenager as at when she started dating Maje but she had dated some other guys before him; from Bidemi who’ll buy her expensive stuffs, to Seun, the one that cruelly broke up with her in the club, where she now eventually met Maje.

7. Their beautiful meeting…

I was just giggling as Toke narrated how they met and the sweet things he did, well, i am a hopeless romantic!

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He was such an adorable gentle man when he met her at the club; he comforted her after she got dumped by her boyfriend. He made an even sweeter gesture by surprising her with her best food the next day ‘peppered Snail’.

8. Maje Ayida was not only a Mr Romantic, but a PRINCE CHARMING to Toke Makinwa

He was everything Toke wanted in a Man.

And he was romantic! He would send her flowers, buy her expensive gifts and use deep words like

“Trust me.I’ll never let go of you.”

9. Toke gullibly loved him “too much”

Truth be told, Toke was really dumb in loving Maje the way she did.

Despite the many times he cheated on her, lied to her (ridiculous lies for that matter), chose his side chicks over her in public, broke up with her one too many times, had kids with two other Women (Erica and Anita), messed with her emotions, treated her like trash, cancelled “their” wedding several times etc…she still kept accepting him back, JUST BECAUSE….please, what kind of LOVE is that?

No Woman deserves to be mentally and emotionally abused in a relationship like Toke Makinwa went through; she should have exited the relationship a long time ago, instead of hurting herself by stupidly accepting to STAY with a guy that obviously only saw her as a FLING!

Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.

10. Ladies, once bitten (forgiven), twice shy!

Don’t keep hoping for a change and sticking your head in a relationship with a guy that abuses you in any way. You are supposed to be treasured, valued and treated with RESPECT by your MAN.

Well, I am no relationship expert but I know that one shouldn’t just fall in love blindly with the heart, the BRAIN is needed too.

11. Toke refused to heed warnings

They always say not all warnings or signs should be taken seriously but when a particular warning or sign is consistent from different peeps, please watch it!

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Toke’s friends warned her. Her sisters and cousins did. Even his Mother sarcastically did.

And his elder sister.

She even had DREAMS

But No!

12. It is not how LONG but how WELL!

One of the reasons Toke kept holding on was because of the many years (over 12 years or more) they had spent together.

13. They shouldn’t have gotten married

After cancelling their wedding twice, he finally married her in 2014 in a private registry.

Sadly, Marriage worsened it.

He didn’t stop cheating and seeing other women especially Anita Solomon.

Neither did she play her wifely roles.

14. Everyone wears a smile to hide the pain

Despite the issues she was having at home, Toke didn’t let it interfere with her work or career. She put up a strong face and composure.
She even lost an endorsement deal…so sad.

15. Why she kept mum on the scandal after the media got wind of it

She had to heal, plus silence was a show of strength.

I’m thankful for the strength that helped me stay silent; who knows what ugly things I might have said and regretted? I was not going to be bitter or hateful, nor would I waste time planning vengeance. It would have made recovery a lot harder.

I swore not to get caught up with blaming the other woman for ‘stealing’ my husband. Two people are always involved in these things, and no woman can ‘steal’ a husband who isn’t interested.

16. Walking out of her marriage was difficult

Toke found it hard to quit but it was the best decision.

17. Family members tried to intervene in having them back together

After moving out of the house, there were moves from close ones to have them back together.

18. You can’t please the public

No, you just can’t.

Maje and I both agreed to counseling and opened up a line of communication between us. We started hanging out again, but it was awkward at first. Maje’s apologies felt like drops of water in a deep, empty well, but what else could he say? No words would make up for his actions and their consequences.

The truth is that I wasn’t afraid of being without him anymore. It had taken a long time, but I was ready to build again alone. I didn’t love Maje anymore, but each time I said this I was told it was the anger talking. People had gone from speculating to simply assuming Maje and I were back together, and I didn’t blame them much because I wasn’t saying anything.

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Maje and I would meet at public functions and the press would ask for photos. If I said no, it would be the next day’s headlines: Toke declined to take a picture, things must still be shaky; they are over, they hate each other. If I said yes, it would be in the news the next day anyway: They are back together, they are united, they are still married. So even as I posed for the pictures, I thought I knew what to expect. What I wasn’t ready for was the backlash I got simply for a picture. I was criticized for going back to Maje. I was called a hypocrite and weak. I was shamed and abused for letting him off the hook too easily.

All of this put a further strain on Maje and I, but we kept at the counselling and talking. The public’s reaction also showed me that you couldn’t please the world. I was called names for leaving, I was laughed at for not being strong enough to keep a home. And now there was news of a possible reconciliation, and even in this the woman gets blamed.

20. The God factor and victory!

When there is no one else to turn to, God is always there!

There is strength is forgiving, letting go and having God!

21. Toke Makinwa’s lessons from it all!

Deep lessons I must say!

But the lessons I have learnt are sure to make my life easier going forward:
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Forgiveness is hard. Saying it is easy but doing it is real work.
Self-love is important. Love yourself enough to put you first.
You must accept the reality instead of wishing that your past were any different.
God’s plan is bigger than you. The greater the pain, the bigger the purpose.
I’ve learnt to laugh at myself. Now I laugh so hard, until whatever situation I find myself in becomes genuinely funny.

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